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Ajit Jokes: Collection Two

Crazy dialogues delivered by Ajit from some of his Hindi Movies contributed by s.c.i netters including Talvinder Chawla (Ricky).


AJIT: "Mona daarrling, tum nahane jao. Michael tum bhi saath jao. Aur mere King Cobra ko lekar uske daanth ki safai bhi kar do." "Mona daaling, tum Tony ke saath math jao. Agar jaogi to tum, MonaTony ho jaogi. Lisa ke saath jao aur MonaLisa ban jao. Lisa daaarrling. Come here baby. Abhey Micheal, idhar aa jao. In babiyon ko lekar apne estate bungalow pahuncho."
AJIT: "Raabert, isko Great Wall of China le jaakar phansi mein laga do, great 'wall hanging' ban jayegi"
AJIT: "Is ex-Miss India ko Middle East lekar maar daalo. Marne ke baath bhi will not rest in peace. Nahin to Hemendra Godbole ka crossword puzzle ka anagram clue de do, uska 'real fun' se 'funeral' ho jayega."
AJIT: "Shut up Raabert, main sub jhanta hoon. Magar I wanted to get it straight out of the horse's mouth. Ha ha haa. Yeh dekho --- 'dishooom' 'disshhooom' --- bechara Billoo mar gaya. Raabert, Yeh hai the actual horse's 'mauth'."
AJIT: "Magar Raaaabert, mard aur mouse mein ek pharak hai" RAABERT: "Woh kyaa hai baaaasss ?" AJIT: "Kuch mardon ko 'Mousiji' hoti hai, magar mouse ko kabhi 'mardji' nahin hoti."
Robert iss kuttay ko microprocessor may daal do ! Bit by bit mur jaaya gaa saala!
Robert iss harami ko liquid oxygen may daal do ! Liquid issay jeenay nahi day gaa, oxygen issay marnay nahi day gaa!
Robert, Dayna (Diana) ko thoda khatta khila do, yeh dayna se daynasour bhi ho jayegi, phir extinct bhi...
Robert, isey thodi shampane pila do, paheley shame sey, phir pane sey mar jayegaa...
Robert, isey peekak paisan pila do, yeh more sey no-more ho jayegaa...
Mona daarrling, tum Toni ke saath ghuumna band kar do, nahin to bahut MonaToni ho jayegee...
"Robert, Harshad Mehta the Bull ka stool test karaao" "Kyon boss?" "Pata to chale akhir ye Bullshit kya hota hai"
Ajit: Maikal, ise liquid helium mein daal ke 440 V pass kar do. Phir yeh superconductor ban jaayega, aur zindagi bhar ticket kaat-ta reh jaayega.
Maikal: Baaas, yeh aadmi to kuch bol hi nahin raha hai. Kya karen ? Ajit: Ise revaalving chair mein daal do. Pata chal jaayega chakkar kya hai.
Robert: Boss , Sona kahan hai ? ( Where is the Gold ? ) Ajit: Kahin par bhi so jao Robert !!
(Scene - Robert gets a sidey to Ajit.) Robert: Boss, humne sidey ko pakad liya Ajit: Ise maar ke pulees station ke saamne rakh do. Aur iske badan par ek sui chubha do. Robert: Par sui kyon, baass! Ajit: Bewakoof! Pulees yeh samjhegi ki sui-cide hua hai!
Robert: Boss, mere teen bacche hue. Unko kya naam doon? Ajit: Ek ka naam rakhna Peter, doosre ka Maikal, aur teesre ka Cha Ling Chu. Robert: Par Cha Ling Chu kyoon? Ajit: Bewakoof, duniya ka har teesra bacchaa Chinese hota hai!
(Scene - Ajit thoroughly disgusted with Mona daaa..arrling's typing.) Ajit: Raaberrt, Mona ke dono hathon ko kaat do. Robert: Magar kyoon baas ? Ajit: Typing to nahi atee, kamsekam shaarthand to seekh legi.
Ajit: Robert, in kutton ke saamne yeh Compooter laga do aur debugger istarrt kar do. Robert: Lekin kyoon, baas? Ajit: Saale Checkpoint mein atak jayenge.
Ajit: Robert, Test Match mein kyaa ho raha hai ? Robert: Boss, Vivian Richards chhakke pe chhakke maar raha hai. Ajit: Saaleh ko sabak sikhana padega. Lunch break mein usse phone milana. Robert: Yes Boss. Ajit: (on phone, to Richards): Veeveeyun Reechards, tumhari Maa hamare kabze mein hai .......
(Scene - Giving a decision as to how the hero should be killed.) Ajit: Peter, time bomb le aao aur is kutte ko usse bandh do. Timer ko theek das baje set kar do. Nahin nahin, yeh saala to sub cheez hamesha late karta hai. Iski maut bhi late honi chahiye. Timer ko panch minute late rakh do. Arre, Robert, Raabert, bevkoof, silly fellow, time bomb ko yahan peh mat rakho, yeh to 'no-smoking' area hai. Ha haa ha. Time bomb 'tic tic tic tic' karke bajega. Aur iska dil 'tup tup tup' karke dhadkega. Tum agar paas me khade hoge to tumko 'tic tup tic tup tic tup' suanaai dega ..."
(Scene - Ajit ordering his chela to kill the enemy.) Ajit: "Robert, Ise varnish mein daal do, saala mar bhi jaayega aur finish bhi ho jaayega.
Bob: Boss, mission par kaise jaaoon, mujhe headek ho raha hai. Ajit: Abe head ek ho ya do, kaam to karna hi padegak.!
(Scene - Ajit ordering his chela to kill the enemy.) Ajit: "Robert, Isss Haramzaade ko social security pe daal do. Saale ko Society jeene nahin degi aur security marne nahin degi.
(Scene - Robert and Ajit are in a boat. The boat suddenly springs a hole and water starts coming inside. Robert is perplexed !) Robert: Boss ab kya hoga ?? Ajit: Robert Ek aur hole bana do, aur ek hole me IN aur doosre me OUT likh do. Ek hole se paani ander aayega aur doosre se bahar chala jayega !!
(Scene - Ajit get's hold of his favourite hero & then directs his chela.) Ajit: Maikal, Is saale ke ek haath mein laal aur doosre haath mein hara rang laga do. Maikal: Lekin kyon baas? Ajit: Bewakoof, itnaa bhi nahin jaanta? Jab pulice yehaan aayegi to ise range haathon pakad legi. he he he....
Here is another contribution: Scene: Ajit is leering at a girl who happens to be the sister of one of the extras. Extra: ``Saab bechaari goongi hai.'' Ajit: ``are hum kahaaN usse ramayan padhvaane jaa rahe haiN.''