Contributed by: Sasidhar N. Reddy ([email protected])
This is the essay on "Cow" which was (supposedly) written by some student
in the course of completing the "Indian Civil Services Examination" :-)
I bet you will enjoy this.
PS : There are no typos in this essay. Everything is legal and as it was
written in the exam.If you develop cramps reading this or find your
English gone haywire after reading this, please dont blame me :-)
CALCUTTA's Telegraph has got hold of an answer paper of a candidate at the
recent UPSC examinations. The candidate has written an essay on the Indian
"The cow is a successful animal. Also he is quadrupud, and because he is
female, he give milk,but will do so when he is got child.He is same like
God,sacred to Hindus and useful to man.But he has got four legs together.
Two are forward and two are afterwards.
"His whole body can be utilised for use. More so the milk. What can it do?
Various ghee, butter,cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth.
Also he is useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally.
"His motion is slow only because he is of asitudinious species. Also his
other motion is much useful to trees, plants as well as making flat cakes in
hand and drying in the sun. Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding
after eating. Then afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are situated in
the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in the grass.
"His only attacking and defending organ is the horn, specially so when he is
got child. This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapons
to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great
"He has got tails also, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the
other end of the other side. This is done to frighten away the flies which
alight on his cohoa body whereupon he gives hit with it.
The palms of his feet are soft unto the touch. So the grasses head is not
crushed. At night time have poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts
his eyes like his relatives, the horse does not do so.
"This is the cow."
P.S.: We are informed that the candidate passed the exam.
Listen to a Holy Cow (.wav) (.aiff) (.au) 8K
or a Normal Cow (.wav) or, if you dare,
a Mad Cow (.wav)