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Contributed by: Ranbir Singh (rsingh@apollo.psrc.ncsu.edu)
Composed by: Old sciites including Asjeet Lamba

Here's something funny I have collected in the past. Please acknowledge
Asjeet Lamba and others who have authored these.

----------kaato---------kaato----------------kaato-------------kaato-------

Here are some classic cliched Hindi film dialogues...

Heroine: Mein tumhaare bachche ki maa banane waalee hun!
         (I'm going to become your kid's mother)

Hero: Kya!? (With a I'm-in-deep-shit-now look)
      (What?!)

Hero's Mother/Father: Yeh lo pachchaas hazaar rupaih aur mere bete ko bhool
                      jao.
                      (Here, take these fifty thousand ruppees and leave our
                      son alone.)

Heroine's Father/Mother: Kullachchini, maine tujhe issi liye paal-pos ke
                         badaa kiya thaa ke tu mujhe yeh din dekhaaye?!
                         (Woman-from-a-lousy-family-tree, did I raise you to
                         show me this day?)

Villian's Hechman: Boss, Rita (the heroine) bhaag gayee...
                   (Boss, Rita's escaped.)

Villian: Jaao uska peecha karo!
         (Go! Follow her!)

Gabbar Singh's Twist: Jaao unkaa peechaa karo, aur khaalee haath mut
                      anaa haramzaadon!!
(From SHOLAY)         (Follow them, and don't come back empty-handed,
                       you bastards.)

----------
Asjeet "Did I sprinkle some more culture, or what!" Lamba


Here are some more cliched dialogues:
-----------------
Heroine to Villian: Kutte, kameene; chhod de mujhe!!
                    (Dog; Meanie; leave me!)

Villian: *Grunt*

(Enter) Hero: Haraamzaade, main tera khoon pee jaaungaa!!
              (Bastard, I'll drink your blood!)
-----------------
Hero to Mom (first meeting with heroine): Dekho ma main kisse laya hoon!
                                         (Look who I've got to meet you mom!

Hero's mom: Aao betee, mere paas baitho...
            (Come daughter, sit beside me...)

(If that happens to be Lalita Pawaar then we're treated to her awesome
 natural wink, if you get what I mean @;)

Heroine: **BLUSH** **BLUSH** *Quickly pulls ghungat (veil) over her head
         and touches her feet (the ma-in-law's feet that is!)*
-----------------
Old man: Bees saal pehle ki baat hai...
         (This happened twenty years ago...)

*Fade to flashback...*
-----------------

>Who is this guy "Ajit"? Sounds like a gem. Can someone provide a few
>names of his movies? I'd like to rent a couple of his "classics" and
>hear some of this sparkling dialogue first-hand.
>                               ---san

Ajit: Raabart yeh hamaaree pictaron ke naam pooch rahaa hai. Isse liqueed
      oxy-gin mein phaik do!

Chamcha 1: Lekin boss, agar macbeth ka zahar pilaayen to kaisa rahega.

K N Singh: Bevaakoof! Sharam nahi aati Ajit ki pictaron ke naam
           poochte hoe!

Amjad "Gabbar" Khan: Arre O Sambha, kitnee pictaren banaaee hai
                     eeka Ajit ne jarra bataeeo to?

Sambha: Pooree pachchaas hajjar!

Amjad: Dhikkaar Hai!! Itnee pictarr banaee aur isne EK bhi nahi
       dekhee!! Iski saja milegee. Baraubar milegee!

Raaj Kumar: Jaani, hum tumhe aisa nahi karne denge...

Amitabh Bachchan: Nazar utha ke dekh Gabbar. Tere sar pe maut mandalaa
                  rahee hai!

Chamcha 2: Arre yeh to Rekha hia!

Rekha: Hai mujhe maut kehte ho, Lamboo-jee...

Shamim: Arre miya maine to sirf uskee pictaron ke naam pooche the'...

-------------
BTW, just ask your local video guy for masaala movies with any
major star (of the 70's and early 80's) and you're almost sure
to find Ajit in it!!

--------
Asjeet "Yeh kya Raabart Raabart lagga rakhkhee hai" Lamba
========

On similar lines:

Low life goondaa "eve-teasing" the heroine is accosted by a mean-
looking crowd.

Man 1: Tumhaare ghar mein kyaa maa, behen nahi hai?
       (Don't you have a mom or sister at home?)

Ranjeet's rejoinder: Maa, behen to hai; lekin biwi nahi hai!
                     (Yeh, yeh. I have amom and sister, but no wife!)

Audience Member: Abbe maaro saale ko!!
                 (O you, beat-up the brother-in-law!!)
-------

At the grave risk of antagonizing some of my fellow netters,
I am taking the liberty of posting some classic (IMHO) commercials.
I believe these are STILL in circulation after so many years. I
hope this "funny stuff" doesn't antagonize too many people and
I profusely apologize to them and everyone else concerned with
computer-resources wastage. I promise to take a self-imposed
bun-waas provided I can find wheat-germ ones.


Bobby Saabun (Soap)
------------
....after discussing the attributes of the soap....

Woman: Pur ae duss shaa; bobby saabun da ke paah?
       (But tell me this my man; how much does bobby soap cost?)

Man: Sun mereeye billow; bobby dus rupeeyeh killo!
     (Listen my pussycat; bobby is ten ruppees a kilo!)
-------

Shikakaayee Kesh Tel (" Hair Oil)
--------------------

Woman 1: Bharjaaee-jee Mubaarkan!
         (O my Brother's wife; Congrats!)

Woman 2: Kaa diyaan?
         (For what?)

Woman 1: Ae baalaan te kedha mantar phereaa je; kinne kaale te
         lumbey ho gaye ne!
         (What spell have you cast on your hair. They are so black
          and long!)

Woman 2: Ae kamaal shikakaayee kesh tel da ae!
         (This awesome achievement is all due shikakaayee hair oil!)


Nirma Washing Powder
--------------------

Woman: Nirma! Washing powder Nirma. Dood see safedee Nirma se Aaye.
       Rangeen kapdon mein khil khil jaaye. Sub ki pasand Nirma!
       Washing powder Nirma, washing powder Nirma. NIRMA!!

(Aurat: Nirma! Dhone ka saabun Nirma. White as milk from Nirma.
        Colorful clothes blossom blossom. Everyone's choice Nirma!
        Dhone ka saabun Nirma, blah blah Nirma. NIRMA!)

(Boy in audience: Aha, meethee meethee.)
                  (Yeah, tastes sweet.)


Vicco Vujradunti Ayurvadic Cream
--------------------------------

Woman:  Badde naazon se paalee hamaaree banno. Tujhe dulhan banaye
(sings) re pyaaree banno. Tujhe haldi ka something-or-the-other lagaayen
        sakheeaan. Teri kaya ko komal banaye sakheeaan. Teri sakheeaan
        are getting carried away singing and dancing...

(Aurat: My daughter, I have raised you with immense care and at great
        personal sacrifices to me. I have kept you away from all those
        sleaze-bag boyfriends of yours. So let your pals take this
        opportunity to put a lot of gooey stuff on your arms, legs and
        face (since we can't show anything else on Doordarshan (TV)).)


(Boy in audience: Aha, meethee meethee.)
                  (Yeah, tastes sweet.)


O. K. Saabun (Soap)
-------------------

Scene 1: Two men cycling together and discussing world affairs....

Man 1: Arre yeh toe bahut bada hai! Zaroor mehnga hoga!
       (Hey, this toe is really big @:) (Should be kinda expensive)

Man 2: Nahi yaar! Bilkul mehenga nahi hai. Naha ke toe dekh!!
       (No friend. No way!! It aint expensive. Bathe your toe and see @:)

Scene 2: Man 2 in the shower with a gulaabee (pink) OK soap in his hand...

Background Music and Voice: Joe OK say nahae kamal sa khil jaaye. OK
                            nahaane ka badaa saabun.
                            (If Joe bathes with OK soap, he'll blossom
                             like no ones business. OK is the BIG
                             bathing soap.)

Voiceover: Company's-name-deleted Utpaadan (Product).


(Boy in audience: Aha, meethee meethee.)
                  (Yeah, tastes sweet.)

(Boy's Mom: Chup, nahi toe haddi-passlee ek kar doongee....)
            (Quiet, otherwise I'll fuse your bones and flesh....)

--------------------------


The Dating Scene:
----------------
This is more an observation than anything else and it happened
at Odeon Cinema, Delhi. A girl walked in just before the movie
was to start and sat in the row in front of us. For some reason
she kept looking at her feet! We soon found out why!

A few minutes after the lights dimmed, a guy entered and headed
for the seat next to this girl's seat. No "Hi", "Hello" or
"Namaste" or "Whathaveyou" was exchanged. The guy sat down,
grabbed (literally!) her hand, and they got engrossed in the
movie (yeah, sure).

Intermission! Without preamble, the guy got up and left
the hall. The girl suddenly found something facinating
about her feet and started staring at them. The algorithm
was repeated at the end of the show with the "couple" leaving
seperately.

Luckily (for them) the girl's mom and dad didn't show up or we could
have witnessed something like this:

Mom: Kalmoohi! Maine tujhe issi din dekhne ne liye paidaa kiya thaa!
     Ke tu mere peeth peechey gulcharrey udhatee phirre!?

     (Black face!  Did I give birth to you to show me this day!
      That behind my back you fly flower-shots around!?)

Girl: Ma! Main Martandya se pyaar kartee hun!
      (Mother! I love Martandya)

Boy: Hum ek doosrey ko jee-jaan se chahatey hain...!
     (We love one another with our heart-life)

Dad: Haraamzaadey! Teri itni himmat! Meri beti par dorey daalta
     hai! Teri haesiyat he kya hai?
     (Bastard! Your that many guts! You're putting ropes around
     my daughter! What is your social standing after all?)

Raaj Kumar: Arre jaani, jaane bhi do. Do pyaar bharey
            dil hain. Gulcharrey nahi udhaengey to kya
            world affairs discuss karengey kya?
            (Oh lively one, let it be. Two love filled
            hearts these are. If they don't fly
            flower-shots what do you expect them to
            do -- discuss world affairs?)


-----------

Remember some classic lines from Hindi Movies like the oldie below..

Ajit (pointing to the hero) : Ise liquid oxygen mein phenk do..liquid ise
jeene nahin dega aur oxygen ise marne nahin dega..

------------------------------------------------------------------------

        Well, most of the lines I know involve Ajit ( and I
        strongly suspect that some of them are just made up
        but they are funny anyway) - You just have to imagine
        Ajit saying them in his characteristic drawl, with a
        smirk on his face and a few henchmen in the background !

        Ajit to a lady ( try shashikala here if you can't think
        of any other vamp !) : 'Rosy let's be cozy ' !

        Ajit to a lady : ' Lilly don't be silly '

        --------------
        Ajit to henchman and a lady ( yeah, yeah she's the same one!)
        -- imagine the sound of water running in the bath in the
           background -- :
        'Michael you take the cycle,
         Mike, follow him on your bike,
         Uh, oh - Mona tum nahati raho' !!

        --------------
        Ajit to henchman : 'Jack, is box me paanch lakh jaali note
        hain, inko market me chala do '
        (** this box contains fake currency notes, go and
            circulate them in the market **)

        --------------
        Lady ( with half torn sari ) to Ajit ( with lust written all
        over his face) :
        lady : ' bhagwan ke liye mujhe chhor do'
        Ajit : ' itni achi cheez to main bhagwan ke liye bhi nahin
                         chhor sakta'
        (** For God's sake leave me
         ** I can't leave such a nice thing, not even for God)

        --------------
        Henchman (panting and sweating) to Ajit : ' Boss, Boss sona
        kahan hai ' ?
        Ajit : ' Itna Bada maidan para hai, kahin bhi so jao '
        (** where is the sona (gold)
         ** This is such a big park, sleep (so) anywhere )

        --------------
        I read this one in Indian Today sometime back :

        Ajit : 'Ise Hamlet poison de do, to be se not to be ho
                jaayega '
        (** Give him Hamlet poison, he will become 'not to be'
            from 'to be' !!)

        --------------
        Rajkumar (talking very sarcastically about Amitabh Bachchan) :
        ' Jaani, yeh wohi shaks hain na jinki taange unki gardan
          se shuri hoti hain'
        (** Isn't this the same guy whoose legs start from aroung
            the region of his neck )

        --------------
        Rajkumar to Rahman in 'WAQT' (breaking a glass in the process) :
        'Chunoy seth, jinke ghar sheeshay ke bane ho, woh doosro par
         pathar nahin pheka karte ' !!!
        (- cut - the sound of whistles and clapping by the front benchers !)
        (** Those who live in glass houses shouldn't........)

        --------------
        Rajkumar to Rahman's henchman ( Madan Puri - who is waving a
        knife in Rajkumar's face) : 'Jaani, yeh bachhon ke khelne ki
        cheez nahin' (taking the knife and folding it ) 'haath cut jai
        to khoon nikal aata hai'
        (- cut - the sound of whistles and clapping by the front benchers !)
        (** A knife is not a toy for kids to play with, if it cuts
            your hand, blood will come out )

-----------------------------

Here is some more of Ajit stuff!

Ajit: "...Kal aadhi raat ko theek 12 baje, hamara 'maal' Warsova ke
raste, Bambayee aayega....Michael, tum cycle par jao...Tony, tum pony
par jao....uh! oh! Mona darling?..tum nahati raho!....Michael, yeh lo
100 ka aadha phata hua note...theek 12 baje Raka ke aadmi apni boat se
flash light ka signal denge...aan...aaff...aan...aaff...aan...aaff.
Michael, tum apni torch se unhe signal doge....boat kinare lagne par
tumhara code word hoga ``Din mein sitare hein, ham tumhare
hein''....baki log tabtak cabin ke peechhe ki jhadiyon mein rahenge..."

One henchman: "...par! par! Baass! woh to khujali wali jhadiayan hein!!..."

Ajit (with a broad wry smile): "...Smaaart baaye!!! Tony, yeh lo
Nixoderm ke tikiya!...aadhe log sona batorenge, aur adhe nixoderm
lagayenge!..."

---------------------

Utpal Dutt: Jaisa ke Kalidas ne kaha hai, What's in the name?
Some other actor: Uncle Kalidas ne nahin, Shakespere ne!
                 (Uncle, Not kalidas, It was Shakespere )

Utpal Dutt: Are(y) bhai, jub naam mein hee kuchh nahin rakha,
            to Shakespere ho ya Kalidas, Kya farak parta hai!
            (** When there is nothing in the name, it doesn't matter
                if it was Shakespere OR Kalidas **)

---------------------

Ajit: " .....Raka ke aadmi apni boat se torch light ka signal denge..
       aan..aaff...aan...aaff...aan...aaff. Michael, tum apni torch se
       aaff..aan...aaff..aan..aaff..aan...karoge"  (and so forth)

(Direct translation: Ajit: "....Raka's man will give a torch light signal
from his boat...on...off...on...off...on...off. and Michael, you with your
torch should go..off...on...off...on...off...on....")

----------------------
Here is one more that I heard from someone:

Ajit: (to the ever present baldy 'yes baass' type sidey,  having determined
Hero's fate)

"Ise Varnish me daal dho, Finish acchi hogi"

(Trans: "Throw him in Varnish; the 'finish' will be good")

-----------------------

BACKGROUND: Young woman, the object of Utpal Dutt's lascivious
attentions, is deeply scandalised.

YW: "Shar'm nahi aati, baaal sa'phed ho gaye hain phir bhi mere peechha
kar rahe hain" (or words to that effect)
[Aren't you ashamed of yourself molesting me at your age, with
your hair having turned white!?]

-------------

How about this classics scene:

  The Hero has just married a very poor girl ( who later turns out to be
  his father's friend's long lost daughter ) and has brought her home to
  introduce to his parents.

  Hero: Mala (for lack of a better name), Pitaji ke paon chuo.
       ( Mala, touch father's feet)

  Mala is bending down to touch the father's feet. Suddenly, THE FATHER
  MOVES BACK TWO STEPS.

  Father: Tum is khandan ki bahu kabhi nahi ban sakti.
        ( You can never become the daughter-in-law of this house).

  Father to Hero: Kamine, tune hamari ijjat ko mitti me mila diya.
  Nikalja is ghar se. Aaj se tu mera beta nahin aur me tera baap nahin.
  Samajh le ki tera baap mar gaya.
  ( You have mixed my honour in the mud. Get out of the house. From today,
  you are not my son and neither am I your father. Assume that your father
  is dead.)

---------

standard plot:

A poor man ekes out his living , providing for his wife and
three sons. A happy family . Here comes the villian,
frames (kills) the poor man, rapes (blinds) the wife and
puts the sons in three different parts of the city.

Bees Saal baad-
The sons grow up , typically under different religions,
meeet/fight each other. One of them romances the rich
villian's good(Yummy!) daughter, the second helps his own
father, the third helps his mother ,they all help the chawl, society
or whereever they live, ...songs, dance,..and so on and so forth.

Then suddenly they realize thru a family song (Yaadon ki Bhaarat)
or thru some family mark or letter (AAA) that they are one
family. The villian also realizes this and starts his pranks.

And then they all go and do dishooom.@@**..bang.bang! Dishoom..##%^
the villian is defeated/killed, the police come(last but one scene),
arrest the goondas.....
The poor man meets his wife, the sons meet their
father/mother, the father/mother meet their honewali (ya ho gayee)
bahu/bahuen..... and they all live happily ever after.

---------

I don't remember where this came from, but i really like it.  Here is how it
goes:

The villain has the heroine tied to an electric chair with a long electric
wire leading to a switch.  The villain throws the switch and the electricity
is now shown flowing towards the heroin.   The hero is running towards the
heroine racing with electricity to save her, and yes he is catching up.

The villain at this point shouts to his chamcha:  "Charlie voltage baddhao,
electicity jaldee jayegi".

----------

How about this one in "hero hiralal?"

   Rabert, Ise thadpa-thadpa kar zinda rakho!

---------

The villain has just asked his guys to get hold of Mudassar Nazar, who
has refused to come to the villain's den.

Sidie: Boss, Mudassar Nazar nahin aa raha hai.
Villain: Kya? Tumhare ankhe hai ya button? Phir se dhoondo!

---------

Ajit is on the phone to Seth Dharam Prashad, played by that
insufferable dude, AK Hangal (who, just as an aside, needs to
be eliminated along with Nirupa Roy): (translations provided).


Ajit: Seth Dharam Prashad, aapki beti hamare kabze mein hai!
      [Seth Dharam Prashad, your daughter is in my nefarious hands!]

Seth: Hullo, hullo, kaun bol raha hai?
      [Hullo, hullo, who is this?]

Ajit: Pyaar se log mujhe tayllipphone kehte hain!
      [People affectionately call me tayllipphone!]

(Damn, it loses a certain charm in the translation.)

---------

Hero/Heroine or one of their relatives has lost his/her memory
after an accident   typically on being swept away in a river or
after having been hit by a car.The victim is slowly regaining
consciousness (cleverly depicted by the screen gradually turning from hazy
to clear) and utters in a totally lost tone

              "Main kahaan hoon?"(Where am I?)

------

   Ravi :  Jitendra
   Maa  :  Nirupa Roy
   Foto :  Om prakash

   Ravi: Maa, Tumhaare aasheervaad se main aaj B.A. FIRST class mein
         pass ho gaya hoon.
         [ Mom, your cool_dude son graduated today ]
         [ Guess what ?! In first class ]

   Maa : Bahuth khushee ki baath hai beta.
         Le, yeh parshaad kha le.
         [ Son, that's really impressive ]
         [ Thulp this parshaad ]

       [Roy goes to the Foto of Om prakash, that is hanging on the wall]

         Dekho ji.
         Aaj apke beta ne aap ki baath nibhaya hai.
         [ Look hubby, your son the cool dude, what a shot !]

       [ Roy to her son ]

         Beta ...
         Ek achchi si naukari doond le
         Aur,
         Jaldi se ek Bahuraani bhi le aaa
         [ Son, how about cashing a job and
           closing on a female ? ]

   Ravi: Maa ... uummnn ...
         Bahu rani tho my dhoond hee liya hai.
         [ Geez, closed on a girl already ]

   Maa : SSsaachchc ?^#!@*&!
         Kaun hai beta vo khush kismat valee ?
         [ Really !, who's that babe ? ]

   Ravi: Seth Gangaram ki beti, Asha.

         [ ddaannn ...dddaaann .... music in the background
           and a face full of *%$*( of Nirupa Roy in the foreground ]

------

And the saga continues...

Maa: BETAA!!! Yeh mujhse tu kis janam ka badla le raha hai!?
     (Sonny, whatcha screwing up my happiness for?)

Ravi: MAA, tu kyaa keh rahee hai?
      (Duh?!?!)

Maa: Beta, yeh wohi Seth Gangaram hai jisne tere pitaajee kaa
     khoon karvayaa thaa! (BACKGROUND musicians go CRAZY!)

     (You little twerp, this was the same jerk who knocked up
      (errr...off) your daddy-jee)

Ravi: Kya!?

Member of Audience: Abbe saale, sunaaee nahi deta tereko!?
                    (Oh, brother-in-law, can't you hear?)

Ravi: Maa, yeh tu kyaa keh rahi hai?

(Writer's Interjection: Our Hero is not exactly PhD material.)

Maa: Beta, bees saal pehle ke baat hai...
     (Son, this happened 20 years ago...)

Ravi: Yeh, yeh mom get on with it. I've heard that before...
      (Haan, haan maa aur kuch bolo. Yeh maine sab suna hua hai...)

Maa: (STARTS SOBBING HYSTERICALLY) Beta, beta yeh tu kya keh raha hai...

Audience Member 2: Arre yaar yeh to phir rone lagee!!!
                   (Geez man this woman started all over again)

Other Members: MAARO MAARO ISSE!!!
               (Kill her, Kill her)

SO we Finally get rid of Ms. Roy. Thanks once again to the mob
mentality. Who said mob mentality was all bad!!

---------
Asjeet "dialogue-wallah. Achche achche dialogue-wallah" Lamba
---------


The scene: Pran is looking through a telescope at a safe from afar.  He turns
to his henchman and says (in the famous Pran style):
  "Woh safe Johnson and Johnson ka hai.  Iss duniya mai siraf teen log usko
khol sakte hai."
  "Kaun hai, boss. Kaun?"
  And Pran replies (after an appropriate pause):
  "Johnson, Johnson aur mai."

-------

Talkin' 'bout insufferable characters and inevitable lines,
what about those snotty kids ?

Kiddo (in [aargh!] irritating whine+wail) : "Maaa, mujhe bhookh
lag rahi hai. Mujhe khane ke liye kuchh do, na!"

Mother (losing her fragile cool, slaps kid, then bursts into
tears, increasing the demand for glycerine in India by 1% ) :
"Chup raho! Kaha na ki kuchh nahin hai".

[ The "chup raho" sentiment is shared whole-heartedly by all and
sundry; Unfortunately, junior is bawling loudly. Afore-mentioned
sentiment becomes stronger than ever, now with deleted expletives
after the "chup". ]

Then Mommy relents, and hugs Munna to bosom, wiping his snotty
face with pallo of sari, while deep erosion of her facial make-up
occurs due to torrential downpour from the eyes above. Produces
a glass of milk. Junior gulps this down, and falls asleep.

Maa-ji (in conspiratorial whisper laden with sorrow to daughter
a.k.a. Hero's sister ) : "Munne ke doodh main mein aadha pani mila
hai." [Neglecting to mention the high glycerine content!]
-----------------------------------------------------------------

(situation: Ajit in his den, with henchmen hanging around; some of them
gambling. Ajit fidgeting about somewhat.)

AJIT:   Raabut, jaao Bhole ki beti ko uttha ke lao.
        (Robert, go get (abduct) Bhole's daughter)

ROBERT: Par Boss, woh to goongi aur behri hai...?!
        (But boss, she deaf and dumb is...?!)

AJIT:   Ohohohohohohohooo! Bewakoof hum use geeta paatth karwane thodi laa rahe
        hain!
        (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Moron, we her religious_text_reading to do hardly
        getting!)

------

To quote the usual text from Hindi films: (IPC)

Inhe dafaa 302 tazirat-e-Hind saza-e-maut di jaati hai.
He is to be hung by the neck until he dies.
Tumhari koi aakhree ichchha hai ?

------

This is almost true, but what the heck....

Ajit : Taany, is kutte ko potaasium khila do
Tony:  Lekin, sarkar, potaasium se kya hoga ?
Ajit:  Pot isse uuper le jayega, haash isse aur uuper le jayaega aur opium isse
       khuda ke paas pahuncha dega.
-----

The scene is that ajit is worried about something.
Robert is facing him.
Ajit : Raabert about turn.
Ajit : Raabert about turn again. Humme tumshe baath karnee hain.

------

Ajit is sitting in his garage thinking about a big maal comming from
Birmingham.
Mac : Baas headache ho raha hai.
Ajit : Head Aaek ho ya Do tumhe jaana he padega.

------

Now a days cricket match is going on between India and West Indies.
Ajit is a great fan of the team.he is listening to the commentary.
A short scene in his den.

Ajit : Peter score kya hai
Peter : Baas aapne halath kharab hai.
Ajit : Kyoon Kya Hooaa.
Peter : bass Richards chhake mar raha hai.
Ajit : Rabbert usse phone lagaon.
Robert to Richard. : Richard hamara bass tumse baath karna chahta hain.
Ajit : Richard Lawin speaking.
Richard : Who Lawin.
Ajit : tumhara leye itn kaaphe hain.Soono Tum aabhi Kapil ke tesre gend
       per Midaan per catch dekar aauut ho jayoge.
Richard : I cannot do this Wi will loose the match.
Ajit : Tumhe aisaa karna hi padega ' Tumahari Maa hamaare kabze me hain.

------

Some good "phatta's" (PJ's) from Sanjiv Kumar in Manoranjan when he tries
to speak in Urdu:

"Hum Lukhnow ke nabaab hain. Nabaabe maamulee naheen, nabaabe mughlaai"
[I can't translate this and keep it funny].

"Begam pulaav ki sughand le rahee thee aur baavarchee begam ki" (Begam was
enjoying the fragrance of the delicious pulav, and the cook was enjoying
begam's fragrance).

Shammi Kapoor's name in the film is Dhoop Chhaao, and he justifies it
by saying, "tajurbein kee dhoop aur akla kee chaao" (heat of experience
and coolness of intelligence).

-------
This is an interesting piece from the film Holi

Two boys are eye-ing a cute little chic who is going by and the
conversation that issues is as follows

Boy :   Tumharie Chappal bahut acchi hai !!
        (Your sandals are very cute !)

Girl : Utaaroon Kyaa ?!!
        (should I take them off ? (with the intention of hurling them
at the boy , of course !))

To which the boy retorts ....

Boy : Tumharie dress bhi bahut acchi Hai !

        (Your dress is very cute too .... !)
-------

How about the following from the evergreen Prem Chopra

Mein woh bala hu jo sishe se pathar todta hoon.

------
How about the movie : RANG BIRANGI

   I happen remember just one Utpal Dutt dialogue  off hand.
   In the movie, Utpal Dutt starred as a police officer who did
   not like Films...

   Once on the telephone:
   Utpal Dutt: Kya? School ki diwar par filmon ke poster....
   ........... Sare ke sare phaad do!

   [** What? Movie posters on the school walls.... TAIR THEM ALL**]

[After a pause......]

               Kya? Poster itni achhi tareh chipke hain ke utaare
               nahin jaa sakte.... ACHHA! TO DIWAR HEE GIRA DO!

               [** What?... Posters are glued in a way that they
               can not be removed? OK THEN BREAK THE WALL **]

------

Here's one dialogue I have'nt seen on the net so far. From Des Pardes:

Ajit is a "total" smuggler king. He is involved in smuggling illegal
aliens into england and then exploiting them by blackmail. (No, he
does'nt sponsor them :-). It is early morning, and Ajit & Co. are bringing
in a new boatload of slaves. One brash young dude comes out from the
hold of the ship (dark and dingy one, I'll bet) up to the bridge where
Ajit is supervising the operation.

Illegal:  "Sahab, abhi to suraj bhi nahin nikla"
          (Sir, it's too early --- look, the sun has'nt risen yet)

Ajit:      "Yeh vilayat hai, yahan pe suraj der se nikalta hai"
           (This is England, the sun rises late here)

The alien, flummoxed by Ajit's intellect, cowers and returns to
the (dark and dingy) hold. Ajit smiles, the situation under control.


In the same movie:

Tina Munim is a young lass "imported" by Ajit through his agent
Prem Chopra. Tina eventually teams up with the hero Dev Anand, and
pretends to be dumb. Prem Chopra is apologetic as he presents Tina
Munim to his 'Baas' :

Prem:   "Lekin, baass, yeh to ...... Gungi hai!"
        (Boss, but she is dumb .... )

Ajit:   "To kya hua,  maine kaun sa es-se Gita ka path karvana hai!"
        (So what, as if I need her to recite from the Geeta!)

--------------

How about this one from Zanjeer?

The hero has just landed in Ajit's (big) 'bungla' to remind him of
what happened 20 years ago. And Ajit goes,

"Aao Vijay, Baito aur hamaare saath ek iscotch piyo. Hum
tumhe kha todi jaayenge. Vaise bhi hum vegetarian hain!!"

(Hi Vijay, why don't you have a drink with me. I am not going
to eat you. Moreover, I am a vegetarian!!)
-------

More funny episodes:

        Actors :        Paintal
                        Keshto Mukherjee

        Paintal is chasing Keshto Mukherjee and the chase leads both of them
        to a hospital.

        Keshto keeps going in circles in and out of different corridors and
        finally sees an empty stretcher lying around.  Keshto lies down on
        the stretcher and covers himself up with the plain white bedsheet.

        Paintal comes panting and does not see Keshto anywhere around but
        he does spot the stretcher and lifts the top of the bedsheet out
        of curiosity.

        The moment the bedsheet is uncovered, Keshto who is still
        lying on the stretcher, says in a
        hushed up voice:  "Dead body, dead body".

        Paintal immediately covers up Keshto again and runs away from there!!.

-------

Here's a classic Amitabh dialogue from Amar Akbar Anthony (the translation is
pathetic and doesn't  bring out the right mood):

Scene:  After Amitabh gets beaten up by Zibisko at the end of the 'My name is
Anthony Gonzalves' song (because he gets drunk and loses his coordination),
he confronts himself in the mirror (still drunk)

Basss, ho gaya pitayi?! Khush, khush?

[Now that you have been beaten up, are you happy?]

Tere ko main iska vasteyich bolta tha ki daru mat pi, mat pi, mat pi daru, ka...
.....kharab chiz hai.

[Didn't I warn you never to get drunk?  Liquor is bad stuff.]

Tu agar daru nahin piyela hota, to kya woh jadya tere ko marne ko sakta?
Bol, kya tere ko marane ko sakata?

[If you had not been drunk, could that fatso have beaten you?]

Are Anthony bhai, tum akela das, das aadmi ko marane ko sakata.

[Mr. Anthony, you can single-handedly fight ten guys.]

Par tu apunka suntayich kidhar hai!! Kidharyich sunta hai?

[But you never listen to me. Do you?]

Dek dek thopda dekh.
Dek thopda aayine main jake dekh, kitna mara tereko.

[Go see your face in the mirror; find out how badly he beat you up]

Pakka idiot dikhta hai!

{Does this need any translation?}

Abhi tum hilne ka nahin, apun davai lagaye ga.

[Now be steady, I'll apply some ointment]

Are baba, hilta kai ko hai?  Steay, steady, steady, .......

[Why the hell are you moving?]
-------

Another classic Amitbah dialogue from the same film:

Scene: Jeevan is running away from the cops carrying gold biscuits. Our hero
stumbles him and J. falls down

"Aadmi life mein doich time aisa bhagta hai,
olympic ka race ho ya police ka case ho"

[A person runs twice like this in his life: if there is an Olympic race or if
there is a police case]