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Desi Limericks by Prem!

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(No offense is meant to anyone from Calcutta, Bombay, Bangalore,
 Madras or New Delhi. Nor is any offense  meant to gays, banias,
 sambar-lovers, computer-whizzes or gay-over-weight-bania-computer
 -whizzes. These were made for humour, and the selection of lead
 characters was only for convenience in rhyming.)

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       There was this young lass from Madras,
       Who had a most remarkable ass,
           It wasn't round and pink,
           As some of you might think,
       But was grey, had long ears, and ate grass.
    --------------------------------------------------


    There was this Parsi from ........
    Who failed as a painter and a carpenter,
        Even though he was such a wimp,
        He did extremely well as a pimp,
    And people now call him Nari Contractor.
    --------------------------------------------------

    Twas on the bus from Tirunelvail,
    I met a lass, petite and frail,
    She flashed me a smile,
    And with very smooth guile,
    Took the last seat, left me holding the rail.
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    When it rains in Calcutta,
    People just become wetter,
        But if it snows,
        Everyone knows,
    They'd pack up and move to Quetta.
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    There was this cute chap from Bombay,
    Who people swore was gay,
        It was the way he walked,
        And the way he talked,
    But folks in Colaba preferred him that way.
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    There was this engineer from Bangalore,
    Who was afraid he was such a bore,
        He spoke either of software,
        Or of computer hardware,
    And people just headed for the door.
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    There was this belle from Bangalore,
    They thought she was smart when she was four,
        When she was sixteen of age,
        She went to Maharani's college,
    And no one thought she was smart anymore.

    (Actually, I came up with a more popular version which 
     employed a five letter word beginning with 'w', ending in
     'ore', with a 'h' in it somewhere..... I don't like that
     version so much, though I guess it was funnier to some...

    There was this belle from Bangalore,
    So sweet and pure when she was four,
       When she was sixteen of age,
       She went to Maharani's college,
    And now everyone thought she was a -----.
    )
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    (You need to know a little about Hyderabad for the next two...)

        There was this girl from Hyderabad,
        Such unbelievably good looks she had,
            When she ventured out in Abids,
            She was hounded by the kids,
        From Nampally, Begumpet and Secunderabad.

    (And in case you girls from Hyderabad are getting a 
     little too sure of yourselves, here is the downer......  ;-)

        There was this girl from Hyderabad,
        Such unbelievably bad breath she had,
            When she ventured out in Koti,
            Young men in  pants or a dhoti,
        Fled to Nampally, Begumpet and Secunderabad.
    --------------------------------------------------


These are a bit ...er..., y'know..... gross.
--------------------------------------------
    There was this young guy from Madras,
    With an ability quite gross,
        If you fed him some batter,
        and filled him with water,
    He shot Sambaar out of his ass.

    There was this bania from New Delhi,
    Who wanted to trim his belly,
        His doctor said "Jogging,
        or exercise by Walking,
    Not just by wanking your willie".  
        (Actually this one is better in Hindi........)
        (Moott maarna is such an evocative phrase..!!)

There was a man from Madras
Whose balls were made out of brass
In stormy weather...
..they clang together
And sparks came out of his ass.

and another...

There was a man from Sauket
Who flew to the moon in a Rocket
The Rocket crashed
His bottom smashed
& he found his balls in his pocket.

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