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SINGH'N RAP II
 ==============

 Now this is a story all about Jeet
 Who lived on New York's 14th Street

 He graduated from college with a masters degree
 In a field known as anthropology

 He soon got a job in a research lab
 But always complained "why's life so drab!"

 He was constantly surrounded by geeks and nerds
 With e equals m c squared their only words

 He was a hard-core desi, I must say
 But his wildest spirits were being kept at bay

 Our desi veer could take this no more
 So he decided to knock on his neighbor's door

 His neighbor was a girl of Italian descent
 Who spoke with an intriguing Brooklyn accent

 Her name was Gina
 And I wish I had seen 'er
 Cause the way he had described her
 Any guy would dig her!

 Jeet and Gina started to date
 And would hangout together till pretty late

 "Meri Gori, Meri Sohni Gori" was all he'd say
 "No one can come in between us - no way!"

 But notorious Aunty Chugalkhor was on the prowl
 She sensed something in the air - was it foul?

 Oh yes yes yes -
 She was definitely in luck
 This, of all her stories
 Would be a slam dunk!

 She spotted her nephew in the mall
 And that too ... oh gori de naal !!!
 (AYE HAYE! Oh HO!)

 Well that surely did make Aunty's day
 A successful field day for her, I must say!

 She headed straight back home to make a call
 Undoubtedly to Jeet's mum in Balowall

 Jeet's mum could not believe her ears
 "Oh mera beta," she cried, wiping her tears

 She tried and tried to get hold of Jeet
 But each time she'd call his answerer would beep!

 Where on earth could the dude be?
 Well that's your imagination -
 Don't ask me!

 Mum's patience finally started running out
 So she left a message giving him the clout

 "Oh JINNY GORI noo chhadd dey
 Te vapas aja aithay!"

 Jeet was obviously taken by surprise
 Who the hell had blown his guise?

 But now was not the time to guess
 He had to quickly get outta this mess

 He drummed up the courage to call his mum
 But before he could speak,
 someone shouted "YOU BUM!"

 Of course it was mother in a terrible mood
 And now was not the time to be a dude!

 "OH tu Amrika vich kee karda phirda
 Murrh ke aja te tera viah kardiyay aithay
 Ik kurrhi hagayee barrhee piyarree
 Te puree seva karugee teyree!"

 But Jeet was clearly not impressed
 It was Gina with whom he was so obsessed

 He told his mum that that was no deal
 And that his piyaar for Gina was the one for real

 Once again mother hit the roof
 She could not believe that
 Jeet was such a goof!

 She hung up the phone
 And in the harshest of tones cried
 "Mundiya - you're now on your own."

 Just the next day ...
 Jeet and Gina tied the knot
 And their happiness together was easy to spot

 The days went on ...
 But with hardly a year gone ...

 Jeet Singh started to realize
 What was happening
 To his wallet's size!

 Was Gina just after his money?
 Or did she really mean it
 When she'd say "Oh honey!"

 A few rotten thoughts crossed his mind
 But he thought he was simply just going blind

 But one sad day, Gina spilled the beans
 She said she was leaving for New Orleans

 She had met a guy called Tom,
 And so wanted a divorce
 Which left our young veer in such remorse

 He remembered his mum's favorite words:
 "Goreeyan da koee parosa nayee hunda"
 And thought to himself:
 "Wasn't I a brainless munda"



 The divorce settlement did take place
 And he lost half his assets -
 Let alone his face!

 His despair could always be seen in his eyes
 But everyone knows that "desiness" never dies

 He soon met Mad-Mats who taught him to rhyme
 And ever since then:
 "ARRANGED MARRIAGE, BUSS ARRANGED MARRIAGE"
  - has been his constant chime !!!!!!




 --kenchee aitho(n) maro--

 SINGH'N RAP IV
 ==============

 O Balle Balle Balle ... YO YO YO!
 The maddest and the baddest is back again
 With another wild rap to drive you insane

 So whoz the story 'bout this time?
 Well its all 'bout Jeet - me partner'n rhyme

 Remember the dude who married a gori?
 Well he's back again in yet another story !!

 Refresh your minds when the dude got dumped
 When Gina suddenly said ciao and left him stumped

 Now a year has passed since that sorrowful day
 And our veer has since come a long way

 He wrote a dozen letters to his dear mum
 Saying "Maaf Karna Ji, I was a real bum!"

 "Arranged Marriage,
  Buss Arranged Marriage is the only true way
  That an ishq connection will forever stay"

 "Valentine's Day is almost here
  And the smell of ishq is in the air!"

 "So mummy ji, please find me a sohni vohti
  Who'll make me the saag and maki di roti"

 His mum read the letters and wept with joy
 What wonderful words to hear from her boy!

 "Oh Jeetya, mera beta, aja mera raja
  I forgive you I forgive you so aja vayee aja"

 "There's a beautiful and dutiful vohti for you
  So chhaytee vapas aja and we'll find her for you"

 Jeet jumped on a plane the very next day
 And was soon back home eating paronthhay

 Mummy ji then opened the album
 And asked Jeet to make his selection

 There was Neeti from Ludhiana and Preeti from Patiala
 And Meena from Samrala and Reena from Ambala!

 The photos of girls went on and on ...
 And Jeet kept looking until 'twas dawn!

 It sure was hard trying to choose
 So Jeet thought ...
 Let's meet them all there's nothing to lose!

 His head was now spinning outta control
 As he pulled out the dice and began to roll!

 Three showed up, so who could that be?
 Yep that meant a trip to see Preeti!

 They got to Patiala just before four
 And Preeti's father opened the door

 They talked and talked for a quite a long while
 And man, was it great to see everyone smile!

 But then her dad learnt all 'bout Gina ...
 Could Preeti marry Jeet? ... Na jee na!

 Jeet's mum tried real hard to change his mind
 Hoping that those events could be put behind ...

 Mera beta is a top scientist in New York city
 Working for a company making plenty of money

 He drives a Toyota - yes a phully-loaded Camry!
 And has a beautiful condo in the city

 He is a caring and loving young man ofcourse
 So let's not talk about his innocent divorce!

 But Preeti's father was hard to convince
 And in his eyes, Jeet was no prince!

 So that then called for a trip to Jalandhar
 To meet an MBBS girl called Narinder

 She was sitting and reading on the balcony
 Buried in a tome that read Human Anatomy

 She wore glasses so thick - Jeet could swear ...
 They were the latest in bullet-proof designer wear!

 He asked her then if her nickname was Nerd
 But she just looked away not saying a word!

 Jeet then decided to show off his knowledge
 By recalling something he'd learnt in college

 The human body has 200 bones do you know ...
 ... 206 she interrupted but children have more

 She then began naming them all
 And Jeet just smiled and stared at the wall

 She talked about Caesarean sections
 And about heart bypass operations

 But when the subject changed to vasectomies
 Jeet just cringed and said: "Mummy, next please!"

 So then to Jagraon they went to see Mohno
 But Jeet messed up when he said: "Ki haal ai Moto!"

 She glared at him right in the eye
 And Jeet knew right then it was goodbye!

 So the barfi and laddoo were still nowhere in sight
 And everyone by now was dying for a bite!

 In Chandigarh, Raunki was his mother's first choice
 Who just loved to hear the sound of her own voice

 She talked and talked and talked and talked
 So Jeet just gave up and out he walked!

 And then 'twas time to meet Jasmeen
 A kurri from Delhi who was only nineteen

 She opened the door and said:
 "Hi, aap kaisay ho?"
 And Jeet looked up and said "Oh no!"

 What had happened to our piyaari boli?
 That was the problem with the folks in Delhi!

 In Ludhiana city, Jeet then met Neeti
 An interesting girl though she looked past thirty!

 And then down the road he went to see Reena
 But her name sounded too much like Gina!

 Mummy ji was now getting upset
 On seeing how picky Jeet could get!

 "Oh tu Jinny gori de naal na compare kar, rajay
  Punjabi larkian vee bahut sohnian hundian ay
  Yaad rakh ... beautiful te dutiful ...
  Ay kurrian gulab de phul vargian hundian ay!"

 So next in line was Moni ...
 A pretty young woman with a Home Science degree

 She was cooking in the kitchen when Jeet got there
 Wow! Now his cupboard at least would never be bare!

 But she brandished the belNa in such a way
 That Jeet signaled his mum "cholo chaliyay!"

 Jeet was now quite depressed
 His life was more than totally messed

 Rano turned him down because he was clean shaven
 and Mano said no because he was five-feet-seven!

 His mum's favorite words came to mind: "gulab de phul"
 But now all he could think of was: "gobi de phul!"

 Jeet decided to hit the local dhaba
 And sat down to have an alloo da parontha

 He just had taken his second bite
 When he suddenly choked on a lovely sight

 There she stood the woman of his dreams
 Balle oh balle ... the queen of queens!

 She was the prettiest woman he had ever seen
 Prettier than any model in Vogue magazine!

 But then he remembered he was in Ludhiana
 And asking her for a date was totally mana!

 There sure had to be another way
 To at least say hi before she walked away

 Jeet's eyes were glued in one direction
 What was to be his plan of action?

 But right at that moment came Jeet's biggest blow
 When a kid ran up to her saying ..
 "Mummy mummy, let's go!"

 Jeet raised his arms in despair
 What rotten luck he had to bear!

 He called up Madmats the very next day
 Saying he was packing his bags for Norway!

 I hear out there that girls are real fine
 Who think that dark guys are totally sublime

 So all ye ladies in the house
 Please help my veer find a spouse

 He's losing his hair at an alarming rate
 So he's got to marry before it's too late!

 Madmats too is longing for some jalebi
 And how can you forget - a wonderful bhabhi!

 So please give Jeet some sound advice
 So he never ever needs to roll the dice!!