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                        THE SPEECH
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   A Schoolmaster from a remote rural area was transferred to a school
   in Bombay. He reported for duty two days before August 15 and, as
   was the practice in the school, was asked to address the assembly
   on Independence Day.

   Here's his dynamite speech : Leddies and Gentulmens,
   Contemporaries, Children, "This is my first maiden speech.   If
   small small mistakes get inside my speech, I ask pardon. Stickly
   speaking, I wanted to joint your school more fastly, but for the
   following reason.
   Too much time lost in getting slipper reservation
   in three-tyre compartment. The clerk rejected to give ticket. I
   put complaint on station master. He said me to go to lady clerk.
   At first she also rejected. I then pressed her for long time and
   at last with great difficulty she gave a birth only to my son.
   Anyway I thanked the station master because he was responsible
   for getting birth of my son.
   We got independent because of great leaders linke Gandhiji who
   get-outted all angrezi peoples from India. Tilak said Swaraj is our
   birth-rate and we shall halve it. Today we all halve our
   birth-rate. You children are future dynamic generators of the
   Nation. Look into future time only. No backside looking, or
   looking at your behind. Be like great like X' raj Ranjan of
   Germany or Presidents like Loosebelt.
   You know genius, no? It is one per cent perspiration and ninety
   seven percent evaporation.  They became great by reading great
   books.  After we finish you here in the school, you can go to
   college and get B.A., M.A. and other decrease. Then you can
   become great liars in the supreme courts, shattered accountants,
   or leacherers in college.
   The school is like a garden. You are the seeds, school is the soil.
   We will bury you in this soil, pour water of knowledge on your
   heads and one day will become great phools. Many vacancy job come
   in newspapers.  Only yesterday I saw in paper "Wanted for
   refuted engineering firm: Generators, highpower condensors" so
   and so forth, etc.  These jobs may be teknickel, but you can rise.
   If you have flare in English, you can become teacher.

   I am now ending this fastly.  My God blast you!   Thank you and
   thank God I am finished. Joy Hind!"